We are in it together
This week I had the privilege of having people from around the world sending me love, prayers and energy as I had a tumour removed from my skull. The messages that came in, the candles that were burned and the love that was sent my way was palpable in my phone and being.
I was so in awe of this that I even shared it with my medical team, and could assure them that they would be sent calm focus rather than bouncy energy. Even without all that support i was well placed. As I was taken into the room I felt I entered a safe environment. I tuned in to the team who felt connected with both seriousness and a sense of fun and most important trust. And that trust is what has kept me going from the moment I met my main doctor. He exudes a trust, in the ability of his team and himself, in his patient and i guess in the universe. A trust that carried me through the uncertain weeks before the operation reinforcing the trust I felt in myself.
I woke up feeling far better than I had ever expected, and again was so touched by the care that was around me. And now four days after undergoing major surgery on my head for 6,5 hours I am not only allowed to wash my hair I am writing a blog.
And I am writing because one thing is becoming exceedingly clear to me in this process, I am not a turbo patient, we, that is everyone who has thought of me, cared for me, operated on me or in any other way has been with me as I’m going through this – we are a powersystem. I am not alone.. we are in this together. What’s more remarkable than my recovery is how I have felt going through something I thought could be so scary. And I have felt so calm knowing the support system beyond me would carry me through – either way.
And I know I have been here before, different groups of ex-colleagues with whom I have shared working together are a large part of this network, people I have travelled with, or learned with or worked on horse events or organisations with. We have made things happen before, small or big and this week we did so in a different way. Whether we work on the development of a person, an organisation or ourselves we are never in it alone.
I gracefully accept your appreciation for my strength and i want to also radiate it back to you… like doctor Papaderos’ mirror, for those who know the story.
I hope that if there is anything you take from this it is that we can achieve so much more when we are in community, and that community can shift and change and – and i will write more on this next time, that even when there is them and us, there is us.
And there is something else I am keenly aware of, it could have been different and still your support and prayers and love and light would have helped, perhaps I need to say this more for me than you as I think of the two loved ones I buried last year who were at least as loved and received as many good wishes and who didn’t make it. Your support is helping me live this time, be here with what is including the fact that even though I had a non-malignant tumour statistics for my turning 65 aren’t as nice as I would like them to be. They are better than the statistics were for walking well again after breaking my talus bone and they are as unreliable too since this tumour is so rare which makes it hard to give any good statistical idea of what may happen.
And still, this makes me even more aware that it is about the now, the journey the way we travel together. And that we may loose our way from each other and that is no problem we can also make our way back to each other. With all the love I have received I have felt guilty at times for all the times I have not been by your side when you may have needed me – and I also grant myself some forgiveness as I know that right now to me it doesn’t matter how we last were in touch or how much we know each other – we find the comfort in the community that is there now.
I know this can be true beyond sickness, in the organisations we work in, in the societies we live in. And we don’t need to be close to be close. I have never felt more held litterally than in the last few days.
As I stand in awe of the ripples of support that have surrounded me I wonder how we amplify this and how we can hold this care for being with the now alive.
We are in it together –
With love and gratitude